One ordinary day in Wallachia, Bob was minding his own business when Vlad’s men decided he looked like a good example. Stake went in. Bob… stayed conscious. And annoyed.
Instead of dying like a normal person, Bob just sighed, had the stake cut down to knee level, and politely asked for the point to be removed. Vlad, equal parts impressed and deeply unsettled, decided the only logical solution was to keep him around.
Thus began the world’s most awkward partnership: history’s most feared warlord… and the guy who treats impalement like a minor inconvenience.
🪵
Professionally Impaled
Survived the classic Wallachian career path. Multiple times. Still complains about the splinters.
🧛
Vlad’s Sidekick
Gets the glamorous jobs: holding the stakes, cleaning the courtyard, explaining why the peasants keep running away.
😐
Chronically Unimpressed
Has seen things. Most of them involved pointy wood. Nothing phases him anymore — including Vlad’s dramatic speeches.
Watch the Intro
Meet Bob. The peasant who refused to die.
“I didn’t ask for this job. I just wanted lunch.” — Bob
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Last updated: August 2026
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